Friday, November 9, 2012

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

I don't know how many of you have ever had a truly terrifying and very significant health scare, but if you have, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about here.

I'm sure many of y'all have wondered why I've been so quiet or why it has taken me so long to respond to even simple things.  Well, since last Wednesday, I've been living under the very real possibility that I might have cancer.  As far as worst fears go, that one is pretty much the top of the list for me, right along with being severely maimed and / or decapitated.  It's amazing how much something like that affects your life.  And I mean every area of your life.  Nothing is without the shadow of that big, huge looming IF.

For the most part, I kept this to myself.  It dominated my thoughts for nearly every minute of that time, though, making it very hard to concentrate and to do the things that I normally do so effortlessly.  I guess I sort of withdrew.  Anyway, none of y'all out there knew what was going on, how upset I was or where my head was at, but the funny thing is, you know me well enough to know something was wrong.  Very wrong.  Over the last week, I've gotten tweets saying you miss me, emails saying you hope everything is all right and messages telling me you love me and are thinking of me, all without knowing that I was living in hell week.

So my answer to the question WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY is this:  You've brightened some of the darkest days I've ever had, you've shown me love and support without even knowing how desperately I needed it and you've been all around amazing with no discernible reason to be.  It's just the way you are.  And I thank you.  Every single one of you, I thank you!  You can't imagine what it has meant to me to have you in my life.

I'm a pretty grateful person anyway, but this has really given me a much-needed adjustment in perspective.  It's so easy to get wrapped up in the things that don't really matter, and I suppose I had.  But today, the day after getting some of the best news EVER, I feel like I have a little better handle on things.

I know God has a reason for the things He allows to happen, and I'm not sure why He answers some prayers the way He does, but I sure am thankful for the way He answered this one!  Things could've gone much differently and I'm more grateful than I could possibly explain for the way this has turned out.  For those who don't get the good news, for those who have to fight for their life every minute of every day, I am deeply, deeply sorry for what you're going through.  To everyone else, I can say this:  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!  Not only will you one day wish you had, but there are people who love you that will be devastated if something happens to you.  Enjoy every day.  Live it to the fullest.  And I say these things as a reminder to myself, too because it's so easy to forget and to fall right back into the same old mindsets.  I don't want to take things for grated anymore. I don't want to take two healthy lungs, two healthy legs, a healthy heart, a brain that works (for the most part) for granted anymore.  I'm thankful for every single one of those things.  And more.  And I should be thankful every day.

It sounds so cheesy and cliche to say "every day is a gift," but it really is.  When it seems like you might not have many more left, every minute of each one you have takes on a whole new meaning.

I know I'm rambling now, so let me end with a huge THANK YOU!  From the bottom of my heart, thank you!  For those of you who I've missed on FB or Twitter or even an e-mail that might've slipped through the cracks, please know that it's not intentional.  I've been distracted and consumed lately, but not so much so that I don't smile over your tweets and your wonderfully kind words.  In all your life, you'll likely never know how much they've meant to me.